Forgive me for the disaster of not writing in my blog. I think I am more asking my body for forgiveness than anything else. I made a vow to myself to do something interesting with my life now in the holidays and I have hopelessly failed!
I have been on holiday since Monday the 29 June and everyday is the same thing over and over again. I am surprised I haven't put on 20 kilos from being so lazy actually. Let me run you through the lovely routine of my day.
Every day I wake up at 9, or 10 am. I then get up, get dressed and eat breakfast. Once I have done this I faff around and do absolutely nothing. Time passes very quickly and from 12 till say 1:30 it's all about picking up 2 kids. One being my "little" brother, who is growing up so fast by the way, and the other the child that I lift. Not going to lie, it's been good getting some money...but the day carries on. Once half my day is taken up I then return home to the Internet, the TV, my room that needs to be tidied, catch up on series that I have missed, movies on dstv or just watch the style network. 5o 'clock comes, my parents get home, I watch days, then chat to them till about 6:30, maybe even watch Oprah, then watch 7 de laan, see Imar, which is the biggest excitement for the day (as always <3). If not see him , then just continue to be in my zombie mode and do NOTHING!!!! It's depressing really. Why don't I ever just pick up the phone and call someone.
It's a pity that even though I am on holiday, I still look forward to the weekends...I have had some interesting times during the weekend, but its the weekdays that I worry about. So with all of this in mind...I worry. Despite having loads of work to do by the 20Th July, I have done NOTHING and have decided that I am a very boring, unmotivated person.
I say this because other people design, they surf, skate board, dance, go clubbing, go see gigs OFTEN, go out for supper with their friends, draw, paint, bake, cook....if I think back to me...that leaves me in the boring category. I do bake, I do cook (often) but no one knows these things as I am not one to openly show off my skills. I guess I sing, but even that has been squashed.
*sigh* Life goes on. I am not entirely sure on what I am trying to achieve really with this. I guess it's just to have a sense of wow, I have something interesting about me. This blog was an attempt to be interesting but I find myself totally unmotivated and lazy to write it. What keeps me going is Imar, my bible readings and the occasional thought of wow, I could do this or that...
Maybe I am just bored at home, and have had enough relaxing time and just need to get out during the day, no doubt that is my problem. From now on, on this very day (night- he he) I vow that I am GOING to take on something interesting. Be it taking crusty photos, finally twisting Imar's arms to teach me how to surf, drawing and painting again, singing more often, playing the guitar more or just embracing who I am and what I am and loving life to the fullest, am GOING to make a change in my life. There has been way too much loss, depressing, boring moments for me in the past 6 years, and today I finally agree that ENOUGH IS ENOUGH. In the words of Catherine Inglesby, i will now adopt the saying: "WHY NOT??" i feel like there should be a choir behind me singing "hallelujah".
I have roughly 4 months left of studying, and I am going to end off with a blast. I am going to climb a mountain, go on a hike, run in a field and maybe even laugh in the rain sometime soon!! Maybe I need to embrace the fact that everybody calls me a hippie and embrace it in a modern way. Hang out more often with the people who will and always do manage to inspire me....like...Nadia, Imar, Catherine and others...
Watch out world...here comes the new, revitalised Tamara....
Wednesday, July 8, 2009
Tuesday, June 30, 2009
Peace
After a very long and hard term, the holidays finally hit, and I got the chance to spend the weekend in Imar's home town...Betty's Bay. What a privilege I have to be able to go to such a beautiful place. Anyway, the purpose of this post is to share with you, the little adventure that Imar, Mulder and I experienced.
We woke up on Saturday morning, nice and late to lovely, calm and peaceful weather. Once we were dressed, we had a lovely Krige breakfast, which consisted of egg, bacon, tomato and toast. Yum, my mouth is watering at the thought. In an attempt to have Mulder feel loved and appreciated, as well as grab some sun while we could, Imar and I decided to go for a walk on the beach. It was so lovely. Mulder was ecstatic!
We finally got him on the leash and gave Sandokan (Nadia's cat) a chance to breath at the sight of Mulder walking off into the distance. As we walked our usual route, my skin somehow rejoiced at the feeling of the sun on it, it was as if the suns weak beams saw it as a priority to touch my skin. Along the path, I think Mulder subtly was trying to play a game with me. Every time I was walking on Imar's side, he would come and walk in front of me, making me have to back off and move to the other side. Every now and again, he would run up to me, and do the same thing. Imar and I, hands linked, were talking so much that we even walked straight past the path to the beach.
Once we were on the path, the beach, for me, looked so different from other times, as the dunes were not as high as they used to be, making it MUCH easier to climb without dying of exhaustion. Once we were onto the beach...I cannot begin to tell you the sensation that arose from having sand between my toes again. It's amazing how much your body suffers when it is constantly clothed and closed up.
We walked for a far way, not that I even noticed it, with Mulder pacing behind us as he dug in our steps every time, and occasionally nipped at my heal or ran at me to kick sand in the air. He was our main entertainment. We found so many interesting objects on the beach. There were so many beautiful colourful shells, as well as a pair of rusted, still usable, scissors and a hook and sinker (stinker as Imar called it.) How fun it was to find these hidden treasures.
We finally reached Dawids Kraal (Hope that is the correct spelling) and oh what a pretty scene. The sun was starting to come out a little stronger now, and the river was glistening. It wasn't as strong as we thought it would be, but it was perfect. I sat down on a rock on the side of the river, with the river water running past me on all sides. Perched perfectly on my little rock, I stuck my toes into the river water and breathed in the fresh ocean smell. As I sat there and soaked in the scene, Imar wondered up the stream, behind the bushes, looking at the beautiful scenery of where the mountain and the river met.
He never asked me to come up with him, I think he saw I was absolutely mesmerised and at peace where I was, or maybe both of us were taking in the beauty in our own way. Behind me sat a very tired, and thirsty Mulder, watching me. I suspect Imar and Mulder had an unspoken agreement that meant that when Imar wasn't around, Mulder was too protect. He was so tired, and I think he welcomed the idea of resting and eyeing out the sea gulls.
Imar eventually joined me, and managed to identify the rock David would have used to hit Goliath, he was so proud of this little round rock that he placed it on top of the little "hidden treasures" pile. Once we thought Mulder had rested enough we reluctantly started our journey back home. Even though Mulder seemed so tired, and lagged behind a bit, that never stopped him from chasing the sea gulls and being petted by an eager dog owner, who suddenly caused him to look 10 feet taller. Oh how compliments can revive a soul. :) He was so cute.
When we arrived back home, I felt refreshed and alive once again. The once stressed, panicked, aged Tamara was now living again. Happy. All of this thanks to the cool sea breeze, and the feeling of the river water on my toes. What nature can do for a person is amazing. I never want to be separated from it.
We never brought the camera with, and Imar decided to part with his iphone for the little walk, so we only have the picture perfect moments in our head, the hook and s(t)inker and the scissors. Somewhere along the line we lost David's rock.
What a beautiful precious day. That spot will forever be a special place for me. Even though I wrote about it briefly, I still cannot really explain why.
We woke up on Saturday morning, nice and late to lovely, calm and peaceful weather. Once we were dressed, we had a lovely Krige breakfast, which consisted of egg, bacon, tomato and toast. Yum, my mouth is watering at the thought. In an attempt to have Mulder feel loved and appreciated, as well as grab some sun while we could, Imar and I decided to go for a walk on the beach. It was so lovely. Mulder was ecstatic!
We finally got him on the leash and gave Sandokan (Nadia's cat) a chance to breath at the sight of Mulder walking off into the distance. As we walked our usual route, my skin somehow rejoiced at the feeling of the sun on it, it was as if the suns weak beams saw it as a priority to touch my skin. Along the path, I think Mulder subtly was trying to play a game with me. Every time I was walking on Imar's side, he would come and walk in front of me, making me have to back off and move to the other side. Every now and again, he would run up to me, and do the same thing. Imar and I, hands linked, were talking so much that we even walked straight past the path to the beach.
Once we were on the path, the beach, for me, looked so different from other times, as the dunes were not as high as they used to be, making it MUCH easier to climb without dying of exhaustion. Once we were onto the beach...I cannot begin to tell you the sensation that arose from having sand between my toes again. It's amazing how much your body suffers when it is constantly clothed and closed up.
We walked for a far way, not that I even noticed it, with Mulder pacing behind us as he dug in our steps every time, and occasionally nipped at my heal or ran at me to kick sand in the air. He was our main entertainment. We found so many interesting objects on the beach. There were so many beautiful colourful shells, as well as a pair of rusted, still usable, scissors and a hook and sinker (stinker as Imar called it.) How fun it was to find these hidden treasures.
We finally reached Dawids Kraal (Hope that is the correct spelling) and oh what a pretty scene. The sun was starting to come out a little stronger now, and the river was glistening. It wasn't as strong as we thought it would be, but it was perfect. I sat down on a rock on the side of the river, with the river water running past me on all sides. Perched perfectly on my little rock, I stuck my toes into the river water and breathed in the fresh ocean smell. As I sat there and soaked in the scene, Imar wondered up the stream, behind the bushes, looking at the beautiful scenery of where the mountain and the river met.
He never asked me to come up with him, I think he saw I was absolutely mesmerised and at peace where I was, or maybe both of us were taking in the beauty in our own way. Behind me sat a very tired, and thirsty Mulder, watching me. I suspect Imar and Mulder had an unspoken agreement that meant that when Imar wasn't around, Mulder was too protect. He was so tired, and I think he welcomed the idea of resting and eyeing out the sea gulls.
Imar eventually joined me, and managed to identify the rock David would have used to hit Goliath, he was so proud of this little round rock that he placed it on top of the little "hidden treasures" pile. Once we thought Mulder had rested enough we reluctantly started our journey back home. Even though Mulder seemed so tired, and lagged behind a bit, that never stopped him from chasing the sea gulls and being petted by an eager dog owner, who suddenly caused him to look 10 feet taller. Oh how compliments can revive a soul. :) He was so cute.
When we arrived back home, I felt refreshed and alive once again. The once stressed, panicked, aged Tamara was now living again. Happy. All of this thanks to the cool sea breeze, and the feeling of the river water on my toes. What nature can do for a person is amazing. I never want to be separated from it.
We never brought the camera with, and Imar decided to part with his iphone for the little walk, so we only have the picture perfect moments in our head, the hook and s(t)inker and the scissors. Somewhere along the line we lost David's rock.
What a beautiful precious day. That spot will forever be a special place for me. Even though I wrote about it briefly, I still cannot really explain why.
My love defined
Today's blog can be seen as mushy, lovey, coochie coo talk, but for me...it's making sense of the word. I would never express these thoughts and feelings on the likes of facebook, as I will surely be ridiculed, mocked and laughed at, be 'one of those people'. I don't understand this really, I think everyone is trying too hard to be 'hardcore' , forgetting that they were also once in love, and are still meant to be in love. It's funny how fast we are to judge other people about there personal preferences, but at the same time, feel the need to express it ourselves. So, with that in mind, I decided to write a little bit about my ideas of "what is love"...sounds lame, but maybe it will be interesting in the end, who knows:) This blog however is just a little piece of my experience of love.
Turning to my faithful definition finder, that often references lesbians for some unknown reason, I turned to wikipedia for some lovely insight into what love is...
'Love is any of a number of emotions and experiences related to a sense of strong affection[1] and attachment. The word love can refer to a variety of different feelings, states, and attitudes, ranging from generic pleasure ("I loved that meal") to intense interpersonal attraction ("I love my boyfriend"). '
Hmmm, so that is what wikipedia says...
Well, for me I can truly say that I have only fallen in love once, and plan on being in love with that person for the rest of my life. Who is this mystery person you may ask? Well, it's Imar. A little background for those who don't know. Imar and I met about 5 years ago? I'm not entirely sure, but we noticed each other from afar. He noticed me the first time he came to our church, and I think I noticed him about the 2Nd time he came. The first time I saw him...well lets just say something happened in my heart. About a year past and finally, after much walking past each other, smiling, and being bashful, we finally decided to talk to each other. This act was also highly encouraged from a mutual friend, Lana.
I really think I loved him before we even went out, in that phase when we were getting to know each other. I know this also from the way I reacted one day when I saw him with a really pretty blonde girl, more towards his age...I was devastated! I thought, OH no, he has a girlfriend. Felt very depressed actually, until after inquiring from friends who the mystery girl was, I found out, much to my relief that it was Nadia, his sister! I laugh every time when I think of that day.
Well, from the minute he asked me out till now (4 years, 2 months later) the love for each other has just grown and I truly don't want to experience life without him. We have been through our fair share of unfair situations that life has thrown at us, but I truly believe that something much greater and stronger is looking out for us and guiding our relationship, after all the things, we love each other more and more each day. He is amazing, and I want to tell the world:) haha. I can imagien him going red as he reads this. ANYWAY!!!!!
Where am I going with this? I don't know. There will be a continuation to this little blog post. This is just my little introduction to a few series that I might continue in the future. Until then, love life and make sure to tell the people that you consider dearly to you, that you love them.
Friday, June 26, 2009
Tomboy verse girly girl
Today I asked myself the following question: Am I a tomboy or a girly girl, or am I borderline both? In a confused moment, I turned to Imar and asked him what he seems to think, knowing that after dating for four years, he probably knows me the best. He however seems to think I edge more toward the girly girl aspect, which really made me a little disturbed.
Through out my life I have always tried to avoid that label, and it seems to me that in my older years, it is coming back to haunt me:) In my desperate attempt to define who I am, I turned to wikipedia to see how they define the certain roles...here is what I found:
A Tomboy is a girl, who behaves according to the gender role of a boy. They tend to wear male looking clothes, play boy games and sports, and befriends boys rather than girls. With this in mind, they speak of a girly girl being slang for a girl or woman who chooses to dress and behave in a traditionally feminine style, like wearing floral dresses, blouses and skirts. They say that these "girly girls" talk about relationships and other activities which are associated with the traditional gender role of the girl.
Hmmm, I 'm not sure. I think I am a bit of both. I tend to befriend guys more, and such things, but at the same time...who doesn't speak about relationships! Anyway...moving along...
If you knew me when I was in Grade 10, or around there, you would have seen me in one of my most creative fashion phases. My 'fashion' consisted of knee length baggy boys shorts, stripy colourful socks, hoodies, t-shirts and skater shoes. (Only the best) I never wore anything that wasn't a surf label, as well as HATED dresses and skirts. I didn't want anything to do with them. My hair was always tied back, and was never a different colour to my natural shade. While I was in this stage, I must admit I got no attention from the opposite sex, but at the same time, was I really looking. Imar says he noticed me in this phase, so maybe it did pay off after all:)
What changed that phase you might ask? Well, going to an all girls school like Rustenburg certainly had a role in the whole matter, as well as meeting the man of my dreams in matric. I suddenly discovered in matric that actually those baggy shorts were not all that flattering to my baby fat. I guess having Imar as a boyfriend and being in matric caused me to grow up, and therefore along with the personality growing up, the dress sense grew up too.
I suppose being in the teaching profession also changed my style of dress and the tomboy in me. I feel that the society and a change of friendships also influenced this. I like how I dress, and get a lot of inspiration off other people's dress sense. I guess deep down inside me there is still that little tom boy that loves sports, baggy clothes and not bothering about the hair.
So I am a 21 year old girl, who is very much a mixture of both. I'm a unique girly girl, who loves to dress up every now and again, watches the style network (I do confess) but never bothers about what her hair really looks like, and occasionally wears make up. I normally look very scruffy, much to my mothers annoyance, and is probably the messier one out of my brothers and parents. I do care about what I look like, but this to me means I need to look as original as possible for myself, to be comfortable and most importantly, maintaining the rocker in me.
So after all that rambling, my conclusion for myself is that I intend to stay the person that I am, and embrace the inspiration in my life. I want to be the relaxed, chilled, girly girl slash tomboy that I am...
One day I'll get over being called a girly girl, because I really don't see myself as the girly girl image that I have in my head...the image is that of Joburg poppies.
Peace out.
Through out my life I have always tried to avoid that label, and it seems to me that in my older years, it is coming back to haunt me:) In my desperate attempt to define who I am, I turned to wikipedia to see how they define the certain roles...here is what I found:
A Tomboy is a girl, who behaves according to the gender role of a boy. They tend to wear male looking clothes, play boy games and sports, and befriends boys rather than girls. With this in mind, they speak of a girly girl being slang for a girl or woman who chooses to dress and behave in a traditionally feminine style, like wearing floral dresses, blouses and skirts. They say that these "girly girls" talk about relationships and other activities which are associated with the traditional gender role of the girl.
Hmmm, I 'm not sure. I think I am a bit of both. I tend to befriend guys more, and such things, but at the same time...who doesn't speak about relationships! Anyway...moving along...
If you knew me when I was in Grade 10, or around there, you would have seen me in one of my most creative fashion phases. My 'fashion' consisted of knee length baggy boys shorts, stripy colourful socks, hoodies, t-shirts and skater shoes. (Only the best) I never wore anything that wasn't a surf label, as well as HATED dresses and skirts. I didn't want anything to do with them. My hair was always tied back, and was never a different colour to my natural shade. While I was in this stage, I must admit I got no attention from the opposite sex, but at the same time, was I really looking. Imar says he noticed me in this phase, so maybe it did pay off after all:)
What changed that phase you might ask? Well, going to an all girls school like Rustenburg certainly had a role in the whole matter, as well as meeting the man of my dreams in matric. I suddenly discovered in matric that actually those baggy shorts were not all that flattering to my baby fat. I guess having Imar as a boyfriend and being in matric caused me to grow up, and therefore along with the personality growing up, the dress sense grew up too.
I suppose being in the teaching profession also changed my style of dress and the tomboy in me. I feel that the society and a change of friendships also influenced this. I like how I dress, and get a lot of inspiration off other people's dress sense. I guess deep down inside me there is still that little tom boy that loves sports, baggy clothes and not bothering about the hair.
So I am a 21 year old girl, who is very much a mixture of both. I'm a unique girly girl, who loves to dress up every now and again, watches the style network (I do confess) but never bothers about what her hair really looks like, and occasionally wears make up. I normally look very scruffy, much to my mothers annoyance, and is probably the messier one out of my brothers and parents. I do care about what I look like, but this to me means I need to look as original as possible for myself, to be comfortable and most importantly, maintaining the rocker in me.
So after all that rambling, my conclusion for myself is that I intend to stay the person that I am, and embrace the inspiration in my life. I want to be the relaxed, chilled, girly girl slash tomboy that I am...
One day I'll get over being called a girly girl, because I really don't see myself as the girly girl image that I have in my head...the image is that of Joburg poppies.
Peace out.
Thursday, June 25, 2009
His and hers
I must say I really do enjoy getting little interesting things sent to me from people. My main supplier however, is Imar. This is yet another cute little thing that he sent me that I kept and thought would be rad to share with the world. In my case, the catching spiders would be VERY TRUE!!
Wednesday, June 24, 2009
Resemblance through cartoons...
This little cartoon was sent to me from Imar. Every time I look at it I give a little chuckle as it reminds me soo much of him . We will be sitting chilling, and the next minute I am fast asleep on the bed, and hours have passed, and there he is, still clicking away, far removed from the real world!
Tuesday, June 23, 2009
27 YELLOW dresses....
On Monday I found myself looking up pictures of yellow dresses. It might have been a subconscious decision or maybe it will all make sense in the future, all I know is that I was looking at different yellow dresses. This is just one of the few that I found that I think is pretty.
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