CRAZY thinking

Forgive me for the disaster of not writing in my blog. I think I am more asking my body for forgiveness than anything else. I made a vow to myself to do something interesting with my life now in the holidays and I have hopelessly failed!

I have been on holiday since Monday the 29 June and everyday is the same thing over and over again. I am surprised I haven't put on 20 kilos from being so lazy actually. Let me run you through the lovely routine of my day.

Every day I wake up at 9, or 10 am. I then get up, get dressed and eat breakfast. Once I have done this I faff around and do absolutely nothing. Time passes very quickly and from 12 till say 1:30 it's all about picking up 2 kids. One being my "little" brother, who is growing up so fast by the way, and the other the child that I lift. Not going to lie, it's been good getting some money...but the day carries on. Once half my day is taken up I then return home to the Internet, the TV, my room that needs to be tidied, catch up on series that I have missed, movies on dstv or just watch the style network. 5o 'clock comes, my parents get home, I watch days, then chat to them till about 6:30, maybe even watch Oprah, then watch 7 de laan, see Imar, which is the biggest excitement for the day (as always <3). If not see him , then just continue to be in my zombie mode and do NOTHING!!!! It's depressing really. Why don't I ever just pick up the phone and call someone.

It's a pity that even though I am on holiday, I still look forward to the weekends...I have had some interesting times during the weekend, but its the weekdays that I worry about. So with all of this in mind...I worry. Despite having loads of work to do by the 20Th July, I have done NOTHING and have decided that I am a very boring, unmotivated person.

I say this because other people design, they surf, skate board, dance, go clubbing, go see gigs OFTEN, go out for supper with their friends, draw, paint, bake, cook....if I think back to me...that leaves me in the boring category. I do bake, I do cook (often) but no one knows these things as I am not one to openly show off my skills. I guess I sing, but even that has been squashed.

*sigh* Life goes on. I am not entirely sure on what I am trying to achieve really with this. I guess it's just to have a sense of wow, I have something interesting about me. This blog was an attempt to be interesting but I find myself totally unmotivated and lazy to write it. What keeps me going is Imar, my bible readings and the occasional thought of wow, I could do this or that...

Maybe I am just bored at home, and have had enough relaxing time and just need to get out during the day, no doubt that is my problem. From now on, on this very day (night- he he) I vow that I am GOING to take on something interesting. Be it taking crusty photos, finally twisting Imar's arms to teach me how to surf, drawing and painting again, singing more often, playing the guitar more or just embracing who I am and what I am and loving life to the fullest, am GOING to make a change in my life. There has been way too much loss, depressing, boring moments for me in the past 6 years, and today I finally agree that ENOUGH IS ENOUGH. In the words of Catherine Inglesby, i will now adopt the saying: "WHY NOT??" i feel like there should be a choir behind me singing "hallelujah".

I have roughly 4 months left of studying, and I am going to end off with a blast. I am going to climb a mountain, go on a hike, run in a field and maybe even laugh in the rain sometime soon!! Maybe I need to embrace the fact that everybody calls me a hippie and embrace it in a modern way. Hang out more often with the people who will and always do manage to inspire me....like...Nadia, Imar, Catherine and others...

Watch out world...here comes the new, revitalised Tamara....